Helping Kids and Teens Overcome Test and Performance Anxiety

Test anxiety is a type of performance anxiety that relates to fears and worries about engaging in a task or activity that has an evaluative component. Everybody experiences performance fears at different points in their lives and to different degrees.
 
Tasks and activities triggering performance anxiety most commonly include tests, presentations, and interviews. While some stress might lead to productivity and better performance, a high level of anxiety interferes with an individual's ability to think, reason, and perform well. 
 
If your child shows intense test or performance anxiety that gets in the way of studying or doing their best, you might consider the following approach to address these issues to help them overcome their fears and build confidence.
 
Here are a few tips to open a discussion with your child. You can pick and choose questions and reflections that resonate with you.

1. Validate your child's concerns and normalize them

• Consider saying, "I noticed that you get a bit more nervous than you want to be when you start studying for ________. It's Okay to feel nervous before a test or a presentation. We all do. I know you want to do well. Let's find a time to chat about what you can do to prepare well and how I can help you. How does it sound?"

  2. Help your child find out what gets in the way of preparing and doing well on tests and       presentations. We will call this a self-awareness part of overcoming the problem.

• Consider saying, "Different people have different reasons for not doing as well as they could on tests and presentations. Let's chat about this and find out what gets in the way of preparing well and showing what you know."
• It's helpful if you, as a parent, provide examples from your experiences of what got in the way of doing your best in the past and what you did to help yourself overcome the problem.

Here are some common factors that may impact people's preparation for tests and presentations and their performance in actual events.

Low motivation

• If so, ask your child: "Why do you want to do well? Why do you want to improve your test-taking skills?"
• How to boost and maintain your child's motivation?
• Consider exploring these two ways to motivate your child:
  • Focus on the meaning of achieving an important goal:
  • "Performing better is important to me because it will help me to ____________."
  • Visualization practice: "I take a deep breath and imagine what I need to do (e.g., studying or using the breathing strategy during the test). I breathe a long silent sigh and say to myself: I'm going to do it."
  • Repeat as needed.

Sleep issues

• These might include falling asleep, difficulty falling asleep, waking up frequently at night, and waking up too early, resulting in insufficient sleep.
  • If so, ask your child (pick and choose one of more of the following): "How does lack of sleep affect your mood, energy level, interactions with others, motivation to study, ability to focus on tasks, and, ultimately, your performance?"
  • Finish this sentence, modeling for your child: "When I feel well rested, my mood is ______, my energy level is ________, my ability to focus is, and I am able to __________ on tests and various tasks."
  • Ask your child the same question encouraging them to fill in the blanks.
  • Build a consistent sleep routine as part of a good self-care.
    • What to do?
      • Go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time.
      • Slow down your movements before you go to bed.
      • Don't use electronic devices for at least one hour before going to bed.
      • Use your bed for sleeping only, as your mind needs to associate using the bed with having rest or sleep.

Poor study habits/procrastination

• If so, ask your child: "What do you need to do to improve your study habits?"
  • Invite your child to make a plan to work on study tasks.
  • Start with small steps.
  • Break tasks into manageable chunks.
  • Make to-do lists daily. Include small breaks and a fun, rewarding activity after completing the planned tasks.
  • Check off steps completed for a task.
  • Review the material regularly. Consult with a friend.
  • Say to your child: "Once you accomplish a task, reward yourself with a favorite activity, a delicious meal, or a relaxing self-care activity at the end of the day. It would be nice and helpful to appreciate yourself for your efforts and doing your best."
  • Encourage your child to focus on small steps they accomplished towards their daily goal.

 
Lack of skill/difficult subject 

• If so, ask your child: "Who can you ask for help?"
• What do you need to do differently?
• Discuss study habits, including review and repetition of material.
• Encourage your child to consult with their teacher and write down some of the teacher's suggestions on improving their skill level.
• Encourage your child to reach out for help. Help them decide whom they need to consult.
  • Teacher
  • Peer buddy
  • A family member who can help
  • School counselor

Anxiety coping strategies

• If so, ask your child: "What makes you anxious?"
• Ask about the emotional aspect of anxiety: "How does your body react when you feel nervous?"
  • To do: Breathing practice helps.
  • In our book, Parent-Child Guide to Coping with Anxiety, we encourage children and their caregivers to integrate BIH BOH breathing practice into their daily lives. BIH BOH simply stands for Breathe In Hold, Breathe Out Hold.
  • Say, “In stressful situations, it's helpful to take a deep breath, hold, and then make the exhaling part of the breathing cycle a bit longer.”
  • Repeat BIH BOH a few times and notice its calming effect.
  • Here you can find an example of a breathing technique. Here is another one. And another one. Encourage your child to pick and choose a strategy they like and want to use regularly.

 

• Ask about the cognitive aspect of anxiety: "What anxious thoughts does your mind create?"
  • To do: crafting a powerful self-talk that helps your child calm down and pumps positive energy to keep trying and facing fears.
  • The self-talk should acknowledge the anxiety and focus on your child's ability to handle it. For example, "I am nervous. But I know that I can do fine despite feeling nervous. I'm capable. I'm motivated. I can handle my anxiety."
  • And recall past successes. This helps foster the self-confidence that the anxiety-triggering test or presentation is manageable.

 

• Ask about the behavior aspect of anxiety: "What do you do when you get anxious?"
  • To do: Grounding practice.
    • Encourage your child to practice engaging all senses in a situation that makes them feel nervous.
  • For example, consider this practice: "When I start feeling overwhelmed, I take a deep breath, noticing the smell in the air. I scan the room with my eyes, then focus on any sounds around me and my body posture … I allow a longer exhale … open my senses again … stretch a bit to shake off my worries, and focus back on the important task of studying or taking the test."

 

• Consider using some or all of these practices on your own and with your child, where needed. Discuss what works.
  • Involve your child in a discussion about what works and how good it feels when you and your child succeed in taming your fears and achieving success.
  • Gently remind your child that healthy eating habits, including having breakfast and having a water bottle during a test, help manage anxiety and increase the child's ability to focus.

Very important!

Reinforce acceptance of anxiety: You can say, "Expect that you will get anxious and accept it when it happens." This powerful attitude will build up your child's ability to cope with big feelings, persevere, do their best, and take little strides every day in building self-acceptance and self-confidence.

In sum:
Once you identify the contributing factors to your child's anxiety, you need to ask them which factors are within their control and which are not. Then tackle them one by one.
Reflect on this: "What are my goals? Depending on what gets in the way of doing well, my goals are: _________________________________________________________________ ."

Understand the underlying causes of poor performance. Address them. Make a plan.

Find which coping strategies work well for you and remind yourself to use them regularly.

Have fun! Encourage your child to notice when they're able to follow through on their plan and accomplish small goals.

Consider saying to your kids: "Notice when you do well despite feeling anxious. Notice when your fears get in the way of doing your best. When this happens, be kind to yourself! Get back on track knowing that you can handle your big fears and achieve many small goals to help you tackle bigger goals along the way."

Our book, Parent-Child Guide to Coping with Anxiety, provides step-by-step guidelines for caregivers and children to face anxiety-triggering situations with a sense of purpose, curiosity, and self-compassion and achieve small and big meaningful goals.

Wishing you strength and inspiration on the way to helping your child overcome their test and performance anxiety and build their confidence.

Notice small successes and how good it feels to achieve small goals.
 
Dr. Dessy