Reflections on New Year’s Resolutions

​Thank you for visiting our book’s website. We hope this post inspires positive reflections and deepens strong connections with your inner self.
 
This article is not about the end of 2022. It's about the reflections our protective minds create, intentionally or unintentionally, when each year comes to a close.
 
Some years seem to flow through our lives like a gentle breeze. They create many positive memories of rich and fulfilling experiences that go into the cozy folder in the memory hard drive of our minds. We willingly access this folder when we need comfort, reassurance or want to draw strength to face an unexpected throwback. In prosperous years, some dreams come true in one way or another. Using skills and hard work to seize new opportunities that bring stability, love, or gains of intellectual, emotional, material, or spiritual nature strengthens our confidence in our ability to handle events within our control. In prosperous years, things outside our control seem to fade into the background of our lives, waiting for their chance to trickle in or burst out when their time comes.
 
During tough years, we might face adversities like experiencing failures or losses that weaken our sense of control over certain aspects of our lives and lessen our hope of fulfilling our dreams. Memories of unsuccessful events, grief, failures, and other unfortunate events might be stored in a bitter folder in the memory hard drive of our minds. Though associated with unpleasant experiences, access to this folder is vital to help minimize losses and maximize possible gains during tough years. With the right intentions and approach to memories stored in the bitter mind folder, we may be able to deal with not-so-favorable life circumstances effectively.
 
Though supposed to be helpful, New Year Resolutions are not always easy to follow for many reasons, both within and outside our control.
 
How do we strengthen things under our control to help us deal with things outside our control if the next year brings unforeseen challenges?
 
Here are a few strategies you may consider regularly using:
 
Create structure in daily life to help preserve energy resources and focus on things that matter to you and your loved ones.
 
Connect with yourself daily. Keep positive connections with people who matter to you and support you in achieving significant developmental milestones. Focus on small pleasant moments when engaging in activities by yourself or with significant others. Do things you love and that matter to you.
 
Pause to re-establish balance. Enjoy the fullness and beauty of the quiet moment with yourself or your loved ones.
 
Focus on pasts successes to draw strength, hope, and positive energy to power through difficult times. Some studies suggest that recalling past successes helps with making better decisions. Consider asking yourself these questions?

• What strengths, skills, and social connections contributed to reaching my goals last year?
• How will I remind myself to recall past successes when I need to?
• Be aware of your character strengths and how they have informed helpful decisions and actions in the past. Here is a helpful website to help identify your signature strengths.
• Remember to vividly recall a moment that stands out in your mind that reminds you of achieving an important goal. Pause and savor this memory. This will help motivate you to pull yourself together and view the current life storm as temporary, manageable, and tolerable.

 
The bitter mind folder brings awareness of stressful events that might narrow our perception of possible choices and our ability to make sensible decisions under not-so-favorable life circumstances. It will also give us access to memories of past mistakes and inform us what to do to avoid them in the future.
 
Understand and learn from past mistakes and misfortunes and integrate this knowledge to power through difficult times.

• Re-evaluate protective and risk factors in your life.
• Reframe challenges as helpful experiences that will strengthen your ability to cope with future hardships.
• Refocus your energy and actions on the things that matter most to you.
• Re-start when you fall, driven by the clarity of your sense of purpose.
• Re-energize by taking care of yourself and the important people in your life.

 
Keep a bigger perspective in mind when your mind focuses on misfortunes, big and small. Close your eyes and imagine sitting on a cloud and looking at your life right now. Review the bitter and cozy mind folders and reflect on ways to access, select, and integrate relevant memories to inform and guide your current life course.
 
When you can, reflect on the following statements:                            

• The last year was important to me because . . .
• This year
  • I will focus on . . .
  • I will take care of myself by doing these things . . .
  • I’ll show important people in my life that I care for them by doing these things . . .
  • I’ll continue to build skills in . . . and improve in the following areas of my life . . . , because I want to . . .
  • I’ll will aim to achieve these goals . . .
  • I’ll grateful for . . .

 
Our workbook, Parent-Child Guide to Coping with Anxiety, provides a real-life toolkit of easy-to-use practices for family members to use daily. We hope to help many families deal effectively with unpleasant feelings arising from anxiety-provoking situations and adverse events and learn to notice and appreciate small daily successes.
 
Wishing you a healthy, happy, and prosperous New Year!
 
 Dr. Dessy